Sex Lotto

	A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex Lotto with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex chance. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again, he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said; "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy; "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex." Bubba replied; "No it ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."

2 Chimps and a blonde

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was
flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to
the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My
problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back, which have to be taken to
the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep
them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?
I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered
into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their
seat belts. Off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving
through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was
the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps,
much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled
off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What the heck are you doing
here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over – so
now we're going to Sea World."

Don't pee in her flower bed

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic
garbage bags, one in each hand.
There's a hole in one of the bags, and once in a while a $20 bill flies
out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her.
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."
"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can
find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?
Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to
the parking lot of the football stadium.
Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right
into my flower beds!"
So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each
time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I say '$20 or off it
comes!' "
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck!" By the way, what's in
the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay."

A Blonde Moment

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."